Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Ghastly demons, fecal demons…

March 1, 2009

There are two cartoons about shit demons which aren’t indexed by Google Images.

They are in the worst possible taste, and also hilariously funny. Do not show Ghastly’s Ghastly Comic – Tentacle Monsters And The Women Who Love Them to anybody squeamish, or sexually up tight.

The author’s only comment to this one:

God I wish I could say this comic wasn’t based on real life events.

That’s the first one.

The second is the sequel: where we find something really shameful about Glemph’s sex life. Apparently, Ghastly isn’t drawing this from his own experiences; all he has to say here is:

One of the things I love about drawing this comic is trying to get as much facial expression out of Nort and Glemph as I can which is pretty damned tricky considering that technically they don’t have “faces”.

I really like the panel where Nort’s wee mind goes “ping!”.

Not politically correct, but nicely done: breasts!

July 27, 2008

A poem…

Round Robin from Me Tart

Round Robin from Me Tart

The Breast Man
by Dana

Now how do you account for that,
Enamoured of two mounds of fat,
Some blood, some glands, some lymph, some skin?
It matters not what shape they’re in.

Whether soft and large or firm and small,
The Breast Man will admire them all.
No two go by he won’t observe
Enjoying each enticing curve.

If in a sweater, nice and tight,
You know he’ll keep them in his sight.
And across his face will spread a smile
When he sees them in profile.

Or beneath a tee-shirt without a bra,
He’ll stand transfixed as if in awe.
His eyes will scan the folds and ripples
Seeking out those hidden nipples.

Should he see some dishabilled
(That’s not quite clothed, not quite revealed)
It will put him in a happy mood;
In ecstasy should he see some nude!

‘Though politically now it’s incorrect
To think of woman as sex object
It’s always been that way, it seems,
And always will. It’s in his genes.

So ladies if you’re well endowed
Just walk right past him thrust out proud.
You’ll make the man who’s breast fixated
So very, very tit-elated.

Silliest use of technology ever?

July 11, 2006

audi-OH!Bedroom Pleasures sells vibrators. I thought you might like to know where this is going, in case such subjects are distasteful to you. Vibrators: read no further if sex toys are not acceptable material.

OK, a vibrator causes sexual pleasure by applying a LOT more stimulation to very sensitive nerve endings than you can otherwise generate with fingers or tongue. Ingenuity knows no limits: people have placed tiny electric motors in large dildos, tiny bean-sized eggs, and even in devices that fit into the pierced hole in your tongue (if you have a pierced tongue).

Generally, they come in two forms: wired and wireless. The wireless ones are sewn into underwear, and the idea is to embarrass your favoured partner by inducing sexual ecstacy when they are otherwise occupied. Steve Roberts once described fixing up a traditional butterfly with a wireless remote control which his partner wore in public, and he gleefully related how he caused her to collapse at the knees by turning it on when she was chatting at parties, or in a bar.

This one is neither.

OK, it’s wired in the sense that the victim of the prank has to carry the batteries in a box which is wired to the vibrating unit. But there’s no “press this button to squirm” control. Instead, the system is voice-activated.

Yes, voice-activated. “How would your favourite song feel? Now you can find out. Audi-Oh is a clever piece of kit, buzzing rather vigorously to the sound of your partner’s words, your favourite music or any unexpected sound it picks up via its microphone or via an attached MP3 or CD player.”

audi-ohI suppose there’s some ironic delight in a piece of kit which- when you say: “No, no! Stop! Please!” – takes this as instructions to do it again…